Moving In Together: Honesty is Key
Lately, I’ve been asked a bunch of questions about how and when I decided to move in with Brian. It’s a big step in any relationship and to be completely honest, it happened quite naturally for us. We’ve been dating for a little over a year and it just so happened that each of our leases were up at the same time in September. Yet, most importantly, we both felt ready and that it was the right time. At first we toyed with the idea of moving to LA (where Brian is from), but eventually we decided that New York is where we’re both meant to be at this moment in time. And we’re so glad we stayed.
I won’t sugar-coat it, there are a lot of intense conversations that go hand-in-hand with deciding to move in with a significant other. So, if you’re deciding whether or not it’s the right thing for you to do right now, just remember that it’s important to be as transparent as possible and to have those difficult discussions together. Having recently gone through this experience, I thought it would be helpful to share some of the things that we spoke about and worked through before we signed our new lease:
Four topics to discuss before moving in with your significant other
Financials - First, it’s important to know that you should feel incredibly comfortable with this person. If you’re not okay with having these deeper conversations, it’s probably not the right time for you to move in together. But, once you are ready for that next step, speaking about your finances is inevitable. Be clear about how much you’re willing to spend and what price point would be ideal for you right now. Once you’ve established your ideal financial situation when it comes to rent, you’ll be able to narrow down your apartment search so you can be one step closer to finding that perfect place.
Wants and Needs - Second, be sure to thoroughly communicate your apartment wants and needs with your significant other. For example, as a blogger it was important for me to live in a building with a doorman because of all the packages and deliveries I receive on a weekly basis. Neither Brian or myself are home during the day (besides those occasional work from home days) so having a doorman was a high priority on my needs list. Whenever you’re moving in with another person, it’s crucial to be honest and open about these wants and needs, because it will affect your lifestyle.
Compromising - Speaking of apartment wants and needs, one really helpful way to go about distinguishing between the two is to write them all down a list and then discuss together what you’re both willing to compromise on. Maybe it’s appropriate to compromise on a smaller bedroom if that means your living and kitchen areas are larger, or perhaps you’d rather trade a large kitchen for a walk-in closet. Either way, it’s about discovering what you both like and compromising on certain elements of your apartment so that the space works for each of you (and you’re both happy about it!).
Purging -Lastly, I highly recommend donating or even selling things you don’t 100% need or love BEFORE packing. When you move in with a significant other there’s a high percentage that you have two of everything so decide which items you want to keep (especially the ones that have sentimental value for each of you), which you want to donate, and which you could potentially sell. It’s a lot easier to make a big move with less so be open to the idea of letting go. After all, you’re starting a new chapter, so letting go of the old can be really invigorating. Besides, you’ll need that space to make your new place a home together.
Can’t wait to continue to update you on the journey :)
X kt